


Coming out the Closet

by ElleonoraMint



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Character Study, Coming Out, Deleted Scenes, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Fluff, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, M/M, Male Friendship, Male Homosexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 04:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10983390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleonoraMint/pseuds/ElleonoraMint
Summary: Erwin doesn't particularly feel like telling anyone about his sexuality, but he decides to be honest with Levi, at least.





	Coming out the Closet

It was one of the first February holiday evenings when Erwin had returned from a shopping spree from the capital to his premises in the military service. Though he hadn't been to his small apartment in Trost for over five months now, he didn't really bother to move back there for holidays. Frankly speaking, he hadn't even had the slightest idea why he'd kept it. If only he had friends or family to share the small flat with, he would've had a reason to visit the place – but he had no such relations, and, overtly, he entertained little hope for starting a family. Thus, he preferred to stay in the military premises with the few other soldiers who remained solo, too. Sometimes he wished there were more people around at that time (especially when holidays combined with national feasts and celebrations), but in whole, Erwin knew how to relax far afield from the crowd, and also how to keep himself busy on his own.

When he entered the military premises – now they were relatively quiet and cold from the lack of soldiers who'd usually heat their rooms at this time of day – he found Levi chatting with two men who'd also spent the day in the capital. He'd seen them, but he hadn't dared to walk up on them. He knew the pressure his presence as the “Commander of the survey corps” put on them and he considered it rude to intrude on his people's private lives like this. After they were gone, Levi joined him for a cup of tea in his private room. Levi, as well, didn't have a place to go to. Erwin remembered nebulously speaking about “Kenny”. Once. They must've gotten wasted on guilt or Whisky that time in order to have Levi dig his dark past. The blonde pondered whether he should ask Levi about visiting Kenny, but then – well, it was pretty obvious by now – he figured that their relationship may be too difficult a topic.

„Hey, Erwin,” Levi casually mumbled from inside his cup. “I heard you were inundated by your female admirers in the capital. Wanted you to take 'em out and pay for them again?“

A light, drained smile appeared on Erwin's face.

“Yes, these women never quit trying.”

The shorter man progressed nipping on the black brew. Erwin laid down by the couch rest, both of his legs spread nonchalantly, and his head supported with the left arm.

“I know I might be the least suitable person to say something like this,” Levi then added pensively, a pause at the end.

“You are fine,” the blonde assured.

“ … but, hell,” he continued ignoring Erwin, “why would you not want to get high on these females and live a little? It's gonna be three fucking long holiday weeks without hardly anyone interesting around. Anyone _new_.”

No need to mention that Erwin looked up surprised by Levi's sudden, yet soft and bothered critique.

“Levi, I hoped you wouldn't bring that up.”

Erwin recalled the times when his friend would keep talking him into meeting up with old “friends”, although, honestly, Erwin didn't need it. He then concluded that it might be Levi who tends to his own social needs by sending Erwin off to make connections. He found that thought lovely, to an extent.

“I'm made to be a Commander, not a father,” Erwin spoke without thinking. The shorter man slurped too loudly at that.

“Don't jump the gun, nobody expects you to fornicate like a unicorn in springs.”

“I don't find these women interesting,” Commander tried to repel. “Take this answer as it is … or leave it be.”

It wasn't meant to sound as harsh as it did, but Levi couldn't be offended easily. He stood up, face reserved, and cleaned their cups by the narrow sink. His rubbing fingertips screeched like little slits deep down in the ear, almost hurting the tympanum, leaving it in an uncomfortable state. It wasn't nothing too obvious, yet it implied the bitter mood Levi was in.

“'kay, got it. I won't push you.”

Well, that was close. It went fine, though. Erwin was glad they could quit unnecessary conversations like this, without the feeling of being left wounded after a fight.

“Why, though?” - and there it was again. Levi had to be plainly bored to keep this conversation alive. “If you are annoyed, you don't have to answer. Just tryin' to be social for once.”

The soldier knew how to handle self-ionization, Erwin had to give him that.

“Well, firstly,” Erwin breathed in preoccupied, “it's not much of a secret that we can't boast of a long lifetime. None of us can.” He had thought this argument through until it felt like tattooed on the inside of his eyes. “We're dead before we can call it an actual relationship we're in. Thus, I don't want to give anyone hope before I can guarantee to live. It'd be cruel otherwise. Inhuman.”

“Yeah, I figured as much,” Levi agreed. “Haven't expected you to isolate yourself to _this_ extent, to be honest.”

They revelled in thoughtful silence ere Erwin proceeded:

“I do what's to be done. I'm a Commander. And secondly, I can't help it, but never in a lifetime will I be attracted to a _woman_.”

The conversation broke apart into hovering pieces of glass and paused. Howbeit, the blond couldn't preserve all of his calm and laid-back posture forever, so he pushed his knees back together and watched his friend tentatively. For a second, or two, his heart seemed to pump a tiny little more blood through his veins. Levi had never commented on homosexuality disdainfully, but, for all Erwin remembered, there'd only been as many times they'd been “confronted” with this topic, so there existed only as little proof for Levi's approval, as well. Anyway, the words had been spoken. The Commander wouldn't have done it, if he felt like their relationship could be endangered by his sincerity.

“Interesting,” Levi nodded. A subtle look of realization and surprise lingered in the corner of his eye. He placed the clean cups gently on a cupboard. “So you like dicks.”

“Don't look like it, do I?”

Erwin smirked at Levi's forthrightness. He looked a bit hesitant, though. The sharp pieces of glass pulled together and combined again. Was it too early to call it “back to safety” again?

“You look like you could get aroused from admiring your own eyebrows. That's what you look like.”

The raven-haired man either tried to ease the mood or he wanted to put his wonderment into words. Whichever it was, he'd clearly stated that this – _liking men –_ definitely had not been an option he considered in the context of Erwin's “isolation”.

“That's merciful,” Erwin chuckled delighted. “This won't make things weird between us, right?”

The dark-haired raised his eyebrows questioningly, but he answered then:

“There's been worse.”

Erwin could tell from Levi's expression that he was evaluating whether or not it was a good idea to proceed this talk. Personally, he was fine with both. His rushing blood had dwindled back to a rather soothing, almost dazing flow, and he relaxed, regardless of what he had confessed just now. If Levi didn't mind finding out so unexpectedly, then there shouldn't be any reason to act awkwardly avoiding.

“Erwin, when have you … um … noticed?”

Levi touched upon this topic with such … discreet. Much more than Erwin was used to receive. He opened up approvingly.

“I don't know. The only fact I am certain of is that it wouldn't have worked out with all the females I've approached so far – even if I tried my very best. Or maybe it would have worked out, but … it wouldn't feel good. One does not _notice_ such things.”

“I see,” Levi breathed and joined to sit next to Erwin after he'd stood for an unknown amount of time.

“I've been thinking,” Erwin contemplated while brushing his own upper lip with his thumb.

“Spill the beans.”

“Could you do me a favour?”

They looked at each other, Erwin still tracing his own mouth angle.

“You mean, apart from listening to your confessions?”

A heartfelt smile rose upon the lips of the other man.

“I'd like you to go with me to the circus this Tuesday. Just for fun.”

“That's a silly one, Erwin.”

Now it was Levi's turn to spread his legs and lean to the other side of the couch rest. He gazed in Erwin's direction, viewing him empathetically.

“And yet?”

“Yeah, I don't mind.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading c:  
> This scene has been inspired by my friends' coming-out stories. I figured I wanted to imagine what a *simple* coming-out could look like between Erwin and Levi Ackerbond™. At first I really thought this would end up being some piece of angst and homophobia, but there's so much hate nowadays, I just want something easier for once haha.
> 
> It's also my first English oneshot (I usually write in German). I'd be glad if you could leave suggestions in the comments below :)  
> ~Mint


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